and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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