oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
