No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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