Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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