I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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