I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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