ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
