So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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