Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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