: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Mom said you looked used
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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