I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Enjoy the penises
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
