Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
