How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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