WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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