no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
