1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
