My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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