why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As shirtless as possible
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
