JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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