At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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