I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
