ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i think my cat just said my name.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
