true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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