Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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