just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
