He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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