The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she woke up with a sticky ear
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
