There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
