Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
