Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
