From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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