I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
