Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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