you have to choose: penises or morals?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
