i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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