i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
