last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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