Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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