As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
