Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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