I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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