guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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