Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.