Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.