Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.