I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor