if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
