i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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