'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize