how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
