Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
