I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
