guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize