is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
