Pregnant stripper...not hot.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
