yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
