Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
