would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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