I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
