i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
