my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
