barbara walters just said penis...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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