Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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