The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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