your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
