You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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