Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
