Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
this hospital has no fireball
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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