You smell like a Billy Joel song
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
