He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
