At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
