Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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