I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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