Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
