Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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