CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
