You can't special order awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
