He is an equal opportunity slut.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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