If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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