My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
