Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
