my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
